Post by clown on Oct 21, 2010 4:34:42 GMT -5
Eastern Conference Preview
YAHWEH TIER
1. Boston Celtics
They have Dwayne Wade, the best player in the league. Along with Shawn Marion, Kendrick Perkins, Ime Udoka, Marc Jackson, and a super deep bench they are awesome.
2. New York Knicks
Lebron James and Chris Webber make an awesome 1-2 punch, and they have other guys that are good at basketball too. Lebron James Lebron James Lebron James.
3. Miami Heat
You may need Rosetta Stone to pronounce Morlende-to-LaFrentz, but the supporting cast to basket rapist Dwight Howard has them sitting pretty in the EC.
HEBREW TIER
4. Toronto Raptors
This team is constructed like their GM, Soup. Kobe Bryant is the broth and then they throw a bunch of shit in and hope it tastes good. Right now, it kinda tastes delicious as they lead the Central.
5. Atlanta Hawks
As this is being written, dogshit contract Jay Williams is being moved for Michael Redd in an act of black on black crime. Good thing for them Manu Ginobili hates money.
6. New Jersey Nets
In the most important slant eye return since Jackie Chan to Rush Hour 3, Yao Ming returned to the Nets after flirting with FA and saved their GM from certain death. Randy Foye and Ronny Turiaf are battling for the Chris Tucker role.
7. Chicago Bulls
Kevin Garnett is an anchor for this team. An anchor is something that sinks to the bottom of the ocean and keeps you from going anywhere so take that with a grain of salt.
HEATHEN TIER
8. Detroit Pistons
The cost-absolutely-nothing-to-acquire Tim Duncan is still a part of this team, but the pieces are still trying to be placed around him. Maybe next year.
9. Indiana Pacers
All the Pacers needed was a PG. Then they got one. But they still suck and I don't know why. Whatever.
10. Milwaukee Bucks
This team looks really good on paper.
Toilet paper.
11. Washington Wizards
Their best player is 18 years old. C'mon East.
12. Charlotte Eastern Conference Powerhouse Hornets
![]()
www.hatland.com/hatscatimg/Eastern Conference Powerhouse Hornetslogo.gif[/img]
I'm gonna say fuck it in regards to the 06-07 Eastern Conference Powerhouse Hornets. You know, like their owner.
13. Cleveland Cavs
Owner checks FA results: "Fuck yeah, I got Jason Collins!"
14. Philadelphia 76ers
Owner has done a good job getting out of salary cap hell, but regular season purgatory still awaits.
15. Orlando Magic
Their backcourt is so good, they don't need a frontcourt.
Wait, what? They actually need a frontcourt? Someone tell MJ.
Playoff predictions:
Penis with Celtics written on it, bursting the hymens of the other playoff teams in brutal fashion.
YAHWEH TIER
1. Boston Celtics
They have Dwayne Wade, the best player in the league. Along with Shawn Marion, Kendrick Perkins, Ime Udoka, Marc Jackson, and a super deep bench they are awesome.
2. New York Knicks
Lebron James and Chris Webber make an awesome 1-2 punch, and they have other guys that are good at basketball too. Lebron James Lebron James Lebron James.
3. Miami Heat
You may need Rosetta Stone to pronounce Morlende-to-LaFrentz, but the supporting cast to basket rapist Dwight Howard has them sitting pretty in the EC.
HEBREW TIER
4. Toronto Raptors
This team is constructed like their GM, Soup. Kobe Bryant is the broth and then they throw a bunch of shit in and hope it tastes good. Right now, it kinda tastes delicious as they lead the Central.
5. Atlanta Hawks
As this is being written, dogshit contract Jay Williams is being moved for Michael Redd in an act of black on black crime. Good thing for them Manu Ginobili hates money.
6. New Jersey Nets
In the most important slant eye return since Jackie Chan to Rush Hour 3, Yao Ming returned to the Nets after flirting with FA and saved their GM from certain death. Randy Foye and Ronny Turiaf are battling for the Chris Tucker role.
7. Chicago Bulls
Kevin Garnett is an anchor for this team. An anchor is something that sinks to the bottom of the ocean and keeps you from going anywhere so take that with a grain of salt.
HEATHEN TIER
8. Detroit Pistons
The cost-absolutely-nothing-to-acquire Tim Duncan is still a part of this team, but the pieces are still trying to be placed around him. Maybe next year.
9. Indiana Pacers
All the Pacers needed was a PG. Then they got one. But they still suck and I don't know why. Whatever.
10. Milwaukee Bucks
This team looks really good on paper.
Toilet paper.
11. Washington Wizards
Their best player is 18 years old. C'mon East.
12. Charlotte Eastern Conference Powerhouse Hornets
I'm gonna say fuck it in regards to the 06-07 Eastern Conference Powerhouse Hornets. You know, like their owner.
13. Cleveland Cavs
Owner checks FA results: "Fuck yeah, I got Jason Collins!"
14. Philadelphia 76ers
Owner has done a good job getting out of salary cap hell, but regular season purgatory still awaits.
15. Orlando Magic
Their backcourt is so good, they don't need a frontcourt.
Wait, what? They actually need a frontcourt? Someone tell MJ.
Playoff predictions:
Penis with Celtics written on it, bursting the hymens of the other playoff teams in brutal fashion.
?
